Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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