Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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