so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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