and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
