the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
