Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
