You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
