I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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