Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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