im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
