I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
