don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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