So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So much Jack, so little girl.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
