JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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