I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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