Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
where am i from again
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
