You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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