I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
