we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
