Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
