Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
