I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
