if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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