Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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