Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
