she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
