I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
