I met the friendliest cop last night
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
