he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
