let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
