I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
