You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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