Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
