How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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