He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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