I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
