I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
