can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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