i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
