Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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