1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
