Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
