Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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