everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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