Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
