I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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