You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
