So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
