and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
