It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
