I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
