they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
