Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
