Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
