I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
