i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
