Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
