There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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