i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
