he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The best revenge is premature balding
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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