i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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