Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
