It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
