New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
