Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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