i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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