The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
