Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
