Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
