if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize