i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
