Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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