Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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