Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
