Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
